


Someone to love

by waywardimpalawriter



Category: Captain America, Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Language, Minor Character Death, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-05 19:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11585061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardimpalawriter/pseuds/waywardimpalawriter
Summary: You’d been there the whole time. Maybe now it’s time to let Steve know what he thinks he’ll never find.





	1. Chance meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Setting: from Captain America the First Avenger to Civil War.

Chance meeting Part 1

**2011**

 “This seat taken?” you ask spotting the only empty chair on this beautiful fall day, next to a man you’ve seen many times at this very spot the last few months.

He looked familiar, more so than just seeing him here. But you can’t place where you’ve seen him before. Now up close, sandy blond hair highlighted by the sunny rays beating down, warming those who chose to sit outside. His head bent till you’d spoken, breathe catching as his sky blue eyes land on you, half smile gracing the corners of his lips. You can tell something’s wrong, studying people being a hobby of sorts and part of your chosen career, though you bite your tongue not asking questions.

“Uh, yes, yes it is,” siting up, pulling his feet back under him from being stretched out under the small table

Trying not to take up much room as you’ve spied a sketch pad while placing your coffee cup down. Taking your computer bag from the left shoulder, finally sitting down, you take a deep breath of the fresh air. A smile slid into place as you close your eyes and relax.

“That bad a day doll?” deep voice laced with concern.

Doll? Did anyone use that anymore? Evidently they did since the hottie sitting next to you just said it. But instead of answering his question you just stared for a moment finally realizing who he is and ignoring his question.

“Oh my, your,” pausing, swallowing hard. You’d never met anyone famous before much less a war hero you’ve heard about all your life.

Internally groaning, one of the many down falls to having a face everyone knows is being bombarded by people who want to talk about the past, to shake his hand and sometimes not let go. He doesn’t mind talking about his life in the 40’s, his time during World War two and as Captain America. It’s just most only want to know things he can’t tell them, or to blame him for things that were and are out of his hands. 

“Steve Rogers, right,” voice light, sweet to his ears because most addressed him as Captain America or Cap. But you, your different he can see the curiosity written in your eyes he’s just not sure for which it’s for. The man or the myth?

“That’d be me in the flesh,” he tries not to cringe at how stupid that sounded, not being use to today’s slang. Lowering his gaze back to the pad in front of him, Steve starts to add more lines, a little shading to the drawing of the New York skyline.

Not taking your eyes off him, while unpacking your laptop and setting up your work area. “Never thought I’d ever meet you. My Granddad spoke very highly and so many stories. ”

Head snapping up as the pencil paused, eyes searching. “Stories? Who’s your Granddad?”

 “Y/GF/N, of the 107th,” the grin is infectious as it lightens your eyes, affection and love in your tone. “He always says if,” you clear your throat dropping the octave as much as you can. “If not for Steve Rogers you wouldn’t be here lady bug, he’s the true hero saving all our butts.” 

At first Steve just sat there a touch shocked a touch moved. Having been called a hero so many times some truly meant it others not so much. But to hear you say it even in that silly voice, it stirred something inside him. “Is he still alive?”

“Oh yes, very much so. Lives in DC still, house he was born and raised in since the 20’s,” there’s pride in your tone, as your own eyes drop back to your computer. Booting up the system you take a deep drink from you’re now warm coffee. “I’ll let you get back to your sketch; I’ve taken up enough of your time. Just pretend I’m not here.”

“No, you’re not bothering me doll,” flipping the pad closed, not wanting to get anything on it. The birds do dive bomb from time to time as he’s learned. “What uh,” he rubs the back of his neck, not wanting to sound self-absorbed, but curiosity got the better of him. “What stories did your Granddad tell you about me?”

You can see the nerves; something telling you that he’s uncomfortable about asking, his posture a dead giveaway, but interest is there to. “The good ones mostly.”

Smiling, seeing that you’re teasing him, “So he didn’t tell you about the time I toilet papered the General’s tent just to see how angry he’d get?”

“Ah no, but he did tell me how you mud washed some poor privets jeep,” you’re trying to hold back the laughter through seeing his shocked face does in you.

Folding over your computer laughing into the crook of your arm, you hear the sweetest sound ever. Guff laughter from the man sitting beside you that tickles your ears and makes you smile. You’ve managed to do what so few have, making Steve Rogers feel normal for once since the serum’s injection into his body. So many have seen him as nothing more than a weapon, or an icon for others to follow. Forgetting that he’s a man as well.

“Thank you,” he’s wiping tears away still chuckling.

“For?” your puzzled, regaining your own wits about you looking over at him.

“Makes me feel less of a science experiment gone wrong and more human,” breathe catching in your throat when you catch the spike of uncertainty in those beautiful sky blue eyes of his. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but there’s something about you that he feels like he can honestly talk to you.  

“Mr. Rogers honestly you aren’t a failed experiment, you’re a human being who deserves to be treated as such,” placing a hand on his arm giving it a light squeeze. “Whoever told you that is an idiot.”

“Steve please,” heat from your touch warms him in ways he’s not felt since before going into the ice and only one other time, with Peggy.

Smiling, removing the hand from his arm, you’re unsure on what to do next. What does one talk about with Steve Rogers? It’s funny actually, you normally would sit here typing away at your next piece ignoring everyone and everything around you, yet right now you don’t want to. Instead you wanted to know more about the man behind the myth.

That thought is taken, along with what to talk about from you, as his phone rings. A frown marring that handsome visage as he listens to the voice on the other end. “Understood, I’ll be there in ten,” the cadence has changed, dropped an octave. “I’m really sorry, I have to go.”

“Of course it was nice meeting you Steve,” you rose with him offering your hand which he takes and shakes. On impulse you stand on tip toes, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “For all you’ve done and will do but most of all for saving a man’s life you didn’t even know.”

Astounded, Steve tries to cover the light pink which dusts his cheeks though secretly pleased. “My pleasure Miss,” tipping his head to one side he’s at a loss for what to do and no time to think of anything. The advice from Bucky doing him little good right now, “I’ll see you around?”  

“Count on it Cap,” shooting him a cheesy smile while retaking your seat.

Groaning though the smile on his lips tells of a different story, Steve waves before taking off down the street and into danger. Wondering if he’ll ever see you again. You as well think the same thing, but push those thoughts aside. Today had been a fluke you wouldn’t be so lucky again.


	2. Luck is very kind

Part 2: Luck is very kind

**2012**

 

“You sure about this?”

“Why not? It’s just DC,” frowning, Steve turned from packing up his suitcase, to glance at the red head standing in his doorway.

Shrugging, pushing away to walk in, arms crossed, “What about that gal you met, you gonna try and find her before you leave?”

“That’s been over a year ago Nat, not likely she’d even remember me. Besides why’s it matter?” shaking his head Steve turned back to packing. Not that he’s got a lot of possessions in the first place. One can’t collect things while frozen stiff for nearly seventy years and only reacquired to this world in the last few years.

“Give you something to look forward to on return trips to New York,” plunking down on the edge of his bed. “Why are you even considering leaving home?”

Snorting softly, while closing his suitcase, “Just another place is all Nat. Besides I have my orders, it’s time to go,” pulling the case off the bed, backpack slung over his shoulder, Steve gave the room one last look.

Being the place he’d called home, if there truly is such a thing anymore as everyone he knows, loved, and cared about is dead. He’s alone in an unfamiliar world, trying to rebuild a life from the ashes of the past and staying here, right now just makes it worse.

Soft sigh leaving pink lips, Natasha stood clapping Steve on his broad shoulder, “Well I’ll see you around then Cap.”

Not looking back, Natasha headed for the elevator. Their little team/family is breaking apart, not that she had any ideas of grandeur just small little thoughts of things being different. Maybe with time it’ll be different, snorting at that thought, pushing the down button, Natasha shoves those thoughts aside. Steve’s right it’s time to move on.

Watching her go, Steve’s unsure of what exactly his next move should be. The small scrap of paper in his front jeans pocket burning a hole in his thoughts. He hadn’t let anyone know, except for Fury who’d found the information. Not sure even what to expect, Steve accepted the offer of working in DC to be closer to his last link. Hope being the only thing he’s got left.

**********

**Several months later**

He’s been gone for a week, not that she’d noticed much, her memory being what it is. Pacing outside her door, nerves making his hands sweat that he wipes on his jeans before knocking lightly.

“Come,” English accent still strong.

Entering, bright smile on his lips, watching Peggy sit by the open window warm summer breeze blowing in, ruffling her greying brown hair.

Eyes search before coming to rest on him, “You’re back.”

“As promised Peg.”

Light blush dusting her cheeks, “No one calls me that anymore Steve.”

Chuckling, talking a seat across from her, “Better not, those names reserved.”  

“Oh you,” she smiles taking his hand in her frail one, patting the top. “How was the mission?”

Raking the free hand through his hair, making it stand on end for a few seconds. He’s surprised she remembers, “Complicated.”

“Aren’t they all?”

“To true,” answers short, eyes going from her aged face to the open window where street sounds make their way up to the fifth floor.

“Something wrong Steve?” not needing her failing memory in right order to figure out there’s something troubling him. She could see that written plainly on his handsome face.

Snapping his glaze back to her, “No, no of course not Peg just thoughts.”

“You’re still a horrible liar Rogers,” stating the obvious, a harsh pat to the hand still in hers. “What’s really eating away at your mind?”

Deep sigh leaving his lips, Steve turns away from Peggy a moment, collecting his thoughts on how to even answer her. “The last mission,” biting his bottom lip feeling Peggy give his hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not the same.”

“What did you think it would be like Steve? Hugs and rainbows?” she snarks, eyes rolling as she stared at him.

For a moment he’s shocked, a snort issuing from his parted lips, “Not likely Peggy, just,” shrugging hand running through his hair once more. “This life, this time it’s so different,” taking his hand from hers, Steve stood pacing the small stretch of plush carpet behind the chairs.

“You will fit in Steve not right away but soon.”

Locking eyes with her aged ones, Steve for a second saw the spark of the young Peggy the one he remembered and fell in love with during a time of his life when everything was upside down. He wanted to believe, to know she’s right, but it’s not that simple. In that moment he witnessed the shift in her demeanor going from knowing he’s alive and how it came to be, to barely recalling his name.

“Steve?” voice frail, small. So unlike it’d been just moments ago when she told him off.

“Yeah Peg it’s me. I came back,” reassuring her by coming to crouch beside her chair, soft smile on his lips.

Staying for only twenty minutes more, helping her to bed to rest, he takes one more look back watching the peace fall over her sweet face. A war going on in his own mind while walking out the door, softly closing it behind him, only to run into someone. Arms immediately going around the person’s waist keeping them from falling backwards.

“You unhand my granddaughter this instance you punk,” deep male voice spoke from behind her, as Steve comes to find soft curves pressed against his larger, harder frame.

“Miss I’m so sorry I hadn’t seen,” words caught in his throat as you move your H/C hair from your face bright smile on your lips.

“You better be watching where you’re walking Mr. Rogers you pack quite a punch there,” you grin stepping from his arms, the warmth going with it.

Coming to stand beside you, “Bless me is that really you Captain Rogers?”

“Granddad remember I told you of my meeting him that afternoon,” your glancing between your grandfather and Steve who’s caught between embarrassment in almost running you over and shock at seeing someone he knew from seventy years ago and seeing you again.

“You gonna keep staring boy are you gonna speak,” poking Steve’s shoulder as you playfully swatting at your granddad.

“Sorry, I just,” rubbing the back of his neck. “I wasn’t expecting to see you again Y/N and here of all places.”

“Small world huh Steve?” you smile up at him, butterflies dancing in your tummy. “Where are my manors, granddad Steve,” you motion towards the younger man before turning to the older another bright smile on your lips. “Steve my granddad. He moved in a few years back when mom and dad decided to move to Florida.”

“It’s truly an honor getting to meet you sir,” Steve began only to be cut off.

“Bah, honor my aunt fanny if anything its good seeing you again boy. It’s been too long and time’s been anything but kind to an old soul like mine. Unlike you,” laughing, crinkles forming beside forest green friendly eyes. “Do me a favor Captain, get this young dame outta here for a bit she’s been here too long.”

“Granddad, I’m here to visit you of course I’m gonna spend time with you,” groaning resisting the urge to facepalm.

“You’ve been here almost all day, besides I’ve got a hot dinner date can’t have you hanging around spoiling all my fun,” he winks at Steve, who blushed and laughed.

“It would be my pleasure to escort you to dinner, if you’re hungry that is and if you want to go with me. You don’t have to, I can just walk with you to your car,” he’s rambling, nerves getting the better of him.

“Steve,” when you notice he doesn’t look at you, you place a hand on his forearm garnering his attention. “I’d love to go to dinner with you. In fact I know the prefect place,” smiling you notice that underlying sadness in his demeanor again and wonder.

“That’s settled then, Y/N tomorrow not before eleven please. I love you but I need my sleep especially after tonight,” he winks again giving you a tight hug. Before turning to Steve hand out which the younger man takes and shakes firmly. “Still has a tight grip, I like that in a man. You take care of my granddaughter.” Leaning in to whisper, “You have my blessing,” patting his broad shoulder before taking off down the hallway leaving you and Steve to stare after his slowly disappearing form.

“What…”

Chuckling, turning to face Steve, “That’s my granddad, doesn’t act like he’s almost ninety does he?”

“He sure doesn’t,” fond smile gracing his lips that’s tinged with sadness, “reminds me of my best friend actually.”

Placing a hand on his bicep this time, “We don’t have to go eat Steve. I can make my way alone, done it many times.”

Shaking his head, taking the hand and wrapping it around his arm fully, “I wouldn’t dream of letting him down Y/N.”

Starting to walk towards the elevator, “So what brings you to DC?”

“I live here now,” Steve could’ve sworn he saw your face fall a fraction but it’s replaced so quickly by a smile that he thinks he’s seeing things as you enter.

“Oh,” clearing your throat, hoping foolishly so that he still lived in New York City, where you could’ve spent more time together. Shaking that thought from your mind, “DC is wonderful, different with all the sharks in suits up on capitol hill but still beautiful.”

“I take it you’re not much for politics then?”

“Right you are Rogers,” grinning while the two of you exit the elevator heading for the street. “We can walk to the diner from here. Unless you rather drive?”

“No, no walking’s fine,” feeling at ease for the first time since being thawed out, Steve’s enjoying himself with just the simple things.

Light conversation goes back and forth, learning that you’re a writer in your spare time, a lowly, your words, editor for a small online magazine, and you love pie. Pausing at the door, which Steve opens letting you go in first, a surprised smile gracing your lips as it’s something that doesn’t happen often. Finding the right booth more towards the back away from the prying eyes of many who stared, as the two of you walked in.

On instinct Steve takes a seat facing out, eyes watching, on guard just in case.

“Do you ever relax?” your voice breaking his train of thought to find your watching him.

Finding that as you walked to the diner, Steve seemed tense, watchful. Not that it bugs you, more concern than anything else.

“I, yeah, yes of course I do. Why do you ask?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a horrible lair?” teasing more than anything you toy with the menu the waitress placed in front after taking your drink orders of ice tea for you and coffee for Steve. “You just seem so tense. You can relax Steve.”

Sighing, raking a hand through his sandy blond hair. He’s unsure of what to say exactly. “Relaxing isn’t a luxury I can afford truthfully Y/N.”

Reaching across the scared table to take his hand in yours, wondering where this bold streak is coming from. You’ve never been quite this open or flirty with a guy before, but there’s just something about Steve that sets your nerves to calm even as your heart races.

“You can Steve, it won’t kill you.”

“It might others.”

Head cocked to the side words halted as your drinks arrive and you let her know that a few more minutes are needed as neither of you have looked at the menu yet.

“Our lives aren’t infinite Steve. We’re born to die as my granddad would always tell me. That it’s what we do with the time in-between that counts the most.”

Swallowing hard the words spill out before he can stop them, “I don’t belong here Y/N.”

“Here as in DC, this diner, the US, here with me? What do you mean Steve?” frowning you give his hand a squeeze unknowingly using the same hand Peggy had clasped not too long ago.

“This time, place everything,” deep bone weary sigh leaves his lips. “I don’t belong in this time. Everything’s so different, confusing, and strange. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all.”

Relinquishing the hold on his hand, to stand and come over to his side of the table waving the waitress away again with just a look. Steve’s sight is trained on the outside, the people; weather anything to get away from the words and feelings he just let out.

“Steve,” softly resting a hand on his shoulder coaxing him to turn and look at you. In that moment you knew what the weary look in his sky blue eyes meant. “I’m not going to say I understand what you’re going through, cause God knows I don’t. But I will say that if you want to talk about it, about anything I’ll lend an ear, or a shoulder.”

Without thinking about it, Steve slid forward into your embrace letting you wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him close. For the first time since his mother passed all those years ago Steve Rogers felt safe and cared about, as a person not a myth or hero or science experiment, but a man. It’s strange because he barely knows you, yet at the same time he feels drawn to you.

“Thank you,” he whispered into your shoulder feeling your small hands rub his back gently.

Marveling at how much pain and anguish this man held within him, the strength of will he used to keep it all from people who should’ve seen what you have from just two meetings. Yet you realize that he’s allowing you to see him at this moment, that he trusts you for whatever reason and you feel honored to have that trust.

“No need to thank you Steve cause I’m damn sure gonna use your shoulder and ear to,” chuckling, hoping to get him smiling even a little and to your surprise he lets out a soft laugh.

Siting up to stare at you, wondering why of all the people he’s met in this time and you’re the one who makes him feel more alive and valued than ever before. “I’m at your serves milady.”

“Dork,” punching his arm but only hurting your own hand. “Damn you got arms of steel or what Superman?”

“First I’m a dork now I’m this Superman person, I think you might need your head checked Y/N you’re talking strange.”

You go to retort sarcastically only to have Steve’s deep laughter make you smile again. Shaking your head, starting to rise only to have him stop you. “Stay.”

“Of course,” giving him a shy smile the two of you looking over one menu and choosing dinner together, talking late into the evening. 


	3. Confidant

**Part 3: Confidant**

**2014 one month after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D**

Pacing, feeling like a caged animal in his apartment, even with all the floors and miles of city below him, Steve Rogers still felt like he couldn’t breathe. So much change in the last month, SHIELD falling, Hydra coming out of hiding, people he thought were friends weren’t biggest of all Bucky being alive. Yeah that one little tidbit had his mind reeling. His best friend growing up, fought alongside, lost to a fall… alive and his enemy.

Something Steve refused to believe. Even with all the evidence to back the claim, files that Natasha procured from old friends in the KGB, spread out over the coffee table. None needing to be gone over since he’s committed each and every detail to memory. Not that it’ll help any, given the fact Steve doesn’t know the first place to start looking and that’s what frustrates him the most.

A harsh knock breaking him from the thoughts running the Kentucky derby inside his mind. Checking the peep hole before unlocking and opening the door. “Hey Sam.”

“Steve,” giving the star spangled man without a plan a nod, eyes surveying the apartment much like his own down the hall of Stark turned Avenger’s tower. “It’s been a month, any word on when we’re starting our little hunt for Wile E Coyote?”

Scowling, Steve runs a hand through his hair, looking from Sam to the file. “You don’t have to come along.”

“I know,” arms crossed, leaning against the back of the couch as if he had all the time in the world. “Doesn’t mean I’m not coming with you Cap.”

“Understood,” stepping towards the kitchen, Steve turns slightly. “We’ll move out in two days. Just need to get a few things straight first.”

A grin spreads across his full lips, flashing pearly whites, “Doesn’t have anything to do with that young writer girl you’ve been talking about?”

“Y/N her name, not writer girl,” Steve tossed back heading towards the kitchen a slight grin forming on his face thinking of you. “And you’re just as bad as Natasha with butting in my love life.”

“My job as sidekick, keeping Captain America on his toes. Besides you need to get laid before you start shooting blanks and you’re too old to get it up.”

Stopping, turning to face his Winged Avenging friend, “I may be 94, but I’m not dead,” shaking his head. “First Nat tries to set me up with every woman she comes in contact with, now you’re take potshots at my soldiers. What friends I have.”

“Hey what about Sharon, if ya ain’t interesting in writer girl, maybe Agent 13 will wet your whistle,” grinning, holding his hands to the side in a shrug. “Worth a shot right?” wiggling his dark brow.

“Out,” groaning, pointing towards the door. “I have things to get ready and so do you. We leave at 05:00 day after tomorrow.”

“Don’t scare me none, remember army man here,” Sam adds while heading towards the door. He’s seen the haunted eyes Steve tries to hide. The pain written in the sky blue orbs that he’s kept bury deep within his being. Sam’s seen it all, tried to help, offering his ear many times. Though he knows Steve rather keep everything bottled up tight, everything separate and emotions in check. Though one thing Sam’s noticed over the short while he’s known Steve is that after seeing you he seems more at easy almost a different person.

It’s the reason he picks, getting Steve to go see you before they leave on a mission that neither are sure they’ll come back from at least intact. “Piece of advice Steve,” when he looks over at Sam, he continues. “Go see her, just in case, to say whatever you need to,” after which Sam opens, steps out of and gone before Steve can say anything else.

**************

Iced tea, condensation dripping down the glass, a bunch of grapes beside your drink, laptop open, your e/c eyes staring at a blank screen as your mind is elsewhere right now. Almost three weeks have gone by since you last heard anything from Steve a rare occurrence, since that fateful day almost two years ago. Snorting at the thought of fate, pencil twirling between fingers to tap on the table keeping a steady beat to the music playing softly throughout your small apartment. Worried doesn’t even begin to cover what you’re feeling right now, your wanting to pick up your cell and call, text anything to make sure he’s alright. But you reframe, always letting him contact you in case he’s on a mission or busy with other things.

The events of last month still replying in your head, having received word from Natasha, whom you’d met a few times during your stays in DC visiting both Steve and your granddad. Becoming friends with the feisty red head who kept you in the know with how Captain America was doing. Even contact with her is sketchy at best. Though you figured it had more to do with the fact that all of SHIELD’s and there by Hydra’s secrets being dumped onto the net for all to read, compromising so many, Natasha included. Besides it wasn’t like your family or anything more than friend’s right? No matter how many times your heart pounds when seeing him, or just talking on the phone. Though you feel he’d never see you like that. In your eyes, plain and boring, to a superhero with women throwing themselves all over him.

Of course that little thought sent a pang of hurt racing across your heart, one you ignored after all it’s foolish to fall in love with Captain America. Yet you’ve never seen him as anyone other than Steve Rogers, the man who’s voice you missed hearing. Talking about different things, the 40’s, his time during World War 2, relearning how to live in a world so different than his own. Helping him acclimate and adapt, watching the cheesy, the iconic and horrible movies just so he got caught up. Listening to massive amounts of music and books, one thing you’d learned is that Steve Rogers loved to read anything he could get his hands on with a spine and paper between the covers.

The very through brought a smile to your lips and a sigh to escape knowing you’ve fell hard and fast for the man most only saw as a superhero, not a real man. Getting the feeling to pound your head into the table, you think better of such ideas instead focus on the blank Word document trying to churn out at least a few thousand words before dinner time rolled around.

However, the writing God’s weren’t on your side as a knock sounded, drawing you from the half page written, a glance in that direction, “Just a minute,” calling out, while standing, stretching your back to get some feeling in.

Bare feet padding on warm hardwood floor, you glance down at the jean capris and burgundy peasant blouse. Shrugging, you peep through the hole only to drop back against the door hand to heart. Having seen Steve standing there looking so good in a tight grey t-shirt and khaki pants, hands clasp in front of him as rocking on the balls of his feet. For a moment you’re at a loss. But why? It’s just Steve right? Of course that’s the problem it’s just Steve.

Swallowing harshly, smoothing a hand down your blouse, before taking the chain off, lock as well and opening the door bright smile lighting your features. Till your eyes come to rest on the man in question fully, seeing the shadows under his eyes, the tension in his shoulders and back.

Going for light and playful, “Bout time you show up. Thought I’d have to send the National Guard out to look for you,” you’re kidding, though there’s an undertone of worry in your voice.

“I’m sorry Y/N I would’ve call…” his words are cut short, much like his progress into your apartment, as you’ve wrapped him into your arms. One hand running the strong, hard length of his back as the other cards through the short hairs at the nape.

Relaxing into your hold, Steve returns the embrace both arms encircle your waist holding you close. “Next time you’re gonna be out of communications range solider do a girl a favor and at least send up a smoke signal so I know you’re alright.”

Breathing in the warmth of you amber perfume oil, his face burying in the crook of your neck, peace finally seems to surround him along with a sense of belonging. “Worried about me were you doll?” voice muffled as your both still wrapped around each other.

Nodding, pulling back before you lost yourself in the feel of being so surrounded by Steve that your heart gives a little flutter at the touch of his hands resting on your waist. “Hell yes I was. How would I explain to Granddad I lost an America treasure when I promised him and Peggy both I’d look after you?”

Resisting the urge to punch him, the last time didn’t go so well and left you with a hurt hand, but it’s there. Because you know something’s up, and major if the haunted look in those sweet sky blue orbs tell you anything.

Taking his hand, you both head towards the couch. “I’m no treasure Y/N.”

“You let me be the judge of that one Steve,” you smile letting his hand go, starting for the kitchen. “Hungry? Thirst?”

“No I’m good,” his answer prompt and short making you stare for a moment.

Nervous for some reason now that there’s space between the two of you, “So how long have you been back in New York City?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, looking from the coffee table that he stands next to, over to the armoire which holds you entertainment system the two of your having watch many of hours on. Finally landing on you, but not straight into your eyes. “I’ve actually been back for about two weeks.”

Shock has your jaw dropping, a pang of hurt slicing your heart, before closing and chewing on your cheek. You wonder if he’d just forgot to call, or stop by, unless it’s something more, like he’s saying goodbye this time. “I know you’re busy, but you couldn’t pick up the phone?”

“It’s not like that Y/N I’ve been busy,” he begins running a hand through his hair.

Nodding but keeping your mouth shut for a heartbeat of three. “So you didn’t think I wouldn’t worry? It’s been three weeks Steve,” voice soft, hurt as tears prick the back of your eyes.

Finally locking eyes with you, Steve swallows hard taking a step towards you. “I’m sorry to make you worry doll, truly I am.”

Wiping at your eyes, nodding slightly, knowing he wouldn’t have willfully left you in the dark. Though it still hurt, “I know you are Steve and I’m sorry to for being mad. When Nat told me what happened, and I’m thinking she left parts out because you look like hell, I got so worried about you. I almost bought a train ticket a half dozen times to DC to find out if you were okay.”

The thought of you being so worried should’ve made him feel regret and angry towards himself, yet it had the opposite. It warmed a part of him that someone would care so much about his well fair, not having felt that since before going into the ice, made Steve appreciate you all the more.

Stepping forward, taking both your hands in his, the two of you walk back towards the couch and sit down. “How much did Nat tell you?”

Puzzled, though enjoying the heat of his larger hands encompassing yours. “Just that SHIELD has been infiltrated from the inside by Hydra and now destroyed. I’d seen the news of what happened on the Triskelion,” gasping softly as realization hits you. “Steve where you on there when the helicarriers crashed?”

Looking closely through faded now with time and because of the super serum in his body, you could still make out the bruises on his face. Focusing so hard till he spoke, “Yes, Sam Wilson, who you met the last time you’d came to DC, and I had to take out the carriers.”

“You’re holding something back Steven Rogers. Out with it,” demanding tone to your voice as your eyes lock once more. You didn’t want him to hold anything back from you.

“You remember me telling you about Bucky Barnes?”

“Of course he was your best friend in Brooklyn,” rubbing your thumbs over the veins on the top of his hands. “What does Bucky have to do with this?”

Watching his Adams apple bob while gathering his thoughts, “He’s alive Y/N.”

“What?”

Nodding slowly, pulling his hands from yours, as the simplest touch had become distracting for him. “Seems when he fell, he survived,” standing, starting to pace the short expanse. “Hydra found him, tortured, brainwashed him, and turned Bucky into a killing machine to do their dirty work. He doesn’t remember me at least I don’t think he does. Not yet anyway.”

Watching his footsteps, the way he’s clinching his fists, jaw tense, “Steve,” when he doesn’t stop nor look up at you. You get up, putting yourself in his path way making him stop. Reaching up to brush against his cheek, “It wasn’t your fault Steve.”

Your soft words shatter his resistance and once again he’s in your arms, “I could’ve done something different, went to go look for him, put a stop to [Schmidt](http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0267309/?ref_=tt_cl_t5) sooner,” pulling away as if your touch, the comfort you’re giving him, burns like a lighted match against his skin. “I could’ve saved Bucky the pain and torture from all those years, if I just hadn’t asked him to join with me.”

Hands on hips you send Steve a glare that doesn’t do much since the man in question isn’t even looking at you. “Stop pacing Steve you’re going to wear a whole in my floor,” this manages to get him to stop and look at you again. “What happened wasn’t your fault. You no more could’ve stopped Bucky from joining you then you can Sam or me for that matter. It was his choice to fight alongside you no one put a gun to his head and made him march out there.”

“I never should’ve asked.”

Remembering the stories Steve told you about Bucky, how he’s always looked after him, you knew without having met the man in question, that Bucky Barnes would’ve always been there to protect his best friend. “You didn’t have to ask Steve,” you began stepping back in front of him, hands this time going to his broad shoulders. “I have a feeling Bucky would’ve followed you into hell and back with no questions asked. Not because he had to, but he wanted to.”

Seeing the resolution in your eyes, the honesty with which you spoke, Steve felt your words hit home and rest in his heart. “I have to find him Y/N, bring him home at least what’s left of him.”

Nodding, chewing your cheek, “Just don’t get killed Rogers, Granddad expects to see you in a few weeks.”

Seeing the tears shimmer in your eyes, Steve’s at a loss for words. He wanted you to say that you expected to see him not just your granddad. He wanted to know if you felt the same, as his heart beats faster in his chest wondering but would never say. Because he’s not this great Casanova, but with you it didn’t seem like he trips over his words as much. “Can’t the Avenger’s would be lost without me,” he tries to smile cupping the side of your face in one large callused palm. “You’ll be here? Visit Peggy?”

Of course it always went back to Peggy, “Always, I’ll book a ticket to DC in a few weeks to go see them both,” pushing the lump down wishing he felt the same way about you that he did about Peggy. “Be safe Rogers.”

“Always Y/N,” gathering you close in a tight embrace; he knows he can’t say what he’s thinking, not now, maybe not ever. He’s lost one to many already and he’ll be demanded if you’ll be counted among those. Therefore he bites his tongue, savoring the feel of your soft body in his arms one last time before pulling back. “I’ll see you soon.”

One nod, his lips on your forehead, warm, slightly chapped and lingering. Steve takes that moment, filing it in his memory, then pulls away without looking back at you. His mission, to find Bucky and bring him home, the foremost in his mind, no matter what his heart keeps telling him.


	4. Here comes goodbye

**Part 4: Here comes Goodbye**

**2015 Week after the Ultron indecent**

      

 “Out to drop another city on someone else’s head?” a snide male voice asked from beside him, casting a shadow over the small metal table. “Or just out to ruin someone else’s day?”

Part of him wanted to turn and land a nice right hook to the ugly sneering face, but he refrains. Hands balling into tight fists, one resting on the white painted metal table the other in his lap. Having heard it all before, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less having giving his life up to protect people who sometimes come across as ungrateful. Kinda understanding why this person needed to vent his frustrations though going about it the wrong way. Steve still felt each jabbing word cut across his emotions like sand paper over rough wood.

“Hey asshat why don’t you shove that snotty attitude were the sun don’t shine,” harsh, with touches of angry and resentment flowing through the cadence of your voice. Having heard what this stranger said to Steve made your blood boil.

Turning, mystery man rakes you with a cool glaze, “What’s it to you lady?”

“You happen to be talking to a dear friend of mine,” arms crossed, laptop bag dangling from your right shoulder, scowl firmly in place on your beautiful face. “Steve has saved this big blue planet and its inhabitants more times than I’m betting you can count. Since your IQ is probably about what your shoe size is.”

Scoffing, stepping a little closer to you, a menacing look in his eyes, “The things this failed piece of garbage did, have done and will do and you defend him? How can you be so blind and stupid?”

Brow cocked, having stepped up beside Steve, one hand resting on his tense shoulder. “Just as you, believing in stories the tabloids, fake news outlets and gossip that’s been spread around for people to judge. Have you ever stopped to think about what it’d be like if Steve never existed, what this world would be like?”

Trying to sit still, not react to you arguing with this man who sees him as a monster rather than a man. At a loss for words, though his heart expands with gratitude and dare he name it… love. No one besides Bucky had ever defended him like you are now. It warms places he doesn’t think should be. He’s fixing to intervene when the male speaks again.

“Better off I’d say sweet cheeks, we don’t need no stinkin wanna be hero in tights,” he’d stepped closer a menacing look in this beady little eyes. “He’s not my Captain America nor does he represent this country. They should’ve just left this asshole in the deep freeze.”

Tensing, eyes narrowing, “Your right he’s not Captain America,” tilting his head towards you at those words, seeing the hard set of your jaw, Steve frowns. “His name is Steven Grant Rogers from Brooklyn, New York, not just Captain America. You don’t have to love him, hell you don’t even have to like him. But you sure as fuck better respect him. Because when the shit hits the fan it’s gonna be him who puts his life on the line to save your sorry ass.”

“Why you little,” he’s fixing to step closer, maybe even hit you, but one will never know.

As Steve stood up quickly, out matching him in both muscle and height, “I took enough from you sir, but I won’t have you disrespecting my girl. So I suggest you take your snide remarks and leave,” fire danced in those sky blue eyes. This time there’d be no holding back on his anger, not when it came to protecting you.

Not having realized what he’d called you, of course those simple two words had made your eyes widen in shock and glance up at Steve, who’s still glaring at the stranger.

“He won’t always be there, can’t be. This piece of shit you hold so dear to will one day break your heart, not because of another woman, but because being that hero man will mean more to him then you. Remember that one sweet cheeks,” his parting shot hit closer to home for Steve, who took another step towards him.

Thankfully he had enough sense to register the look, giving both you and Steve one final sneer before taking off.

Changing topic, trying to lighten the mood, and your own thoughts, “I’m sorry for the language I used I know you don’t approve of that kinda talk,” mischievous smile making an appearance to keep the butterflies from fluttering in your tummy.

Looking down at you puzzled for a moment as to what you said, “How’d you hear?” Brow lifted as you look at him, smirk sliding into place. “Romanoff, I’m gonna kill her,” he groans as laughter bubbles up and he brings you into the strong circle of his arms.

“You won’t she’s family, besides I find it funny and cute,” glad your face is buried in his chest so he doesn’t see the blush that heats yours cheeks. “How’ve you been Steve?”

Pulling back, to stare down into your eyes, the strangers words replaying in his mind as he stares at you. Having only been a few weeks since the last time you’d spoken and much has changed. “Better now.” All honesty in your arms he felt better, like this weight on his shoulders lighten and he could breathe better.

You could see something lingering just behind those sky blue eyes, a profound sadness and something else that wasn’t there a few weeks ago. Knowing his search for Bucky turned up more dead ends than leads, accompanied with what happened in Sokovia, you could only guess at the state of his mind.

Reluctantly stepping from his embrace, placing your bag down before taking your own seat thanking Steve for pushing you in. “Tell me what’s floating around in that gorgeous head of yours?”

Retaking his own seat, hands folded resting on the table, knowing this isn’t the best of ideas. He’d resigned himself to never seeing you again wanting to keep you at arm’s length. However, Steve found he couldn’t do that, mostly because he’s selfish and needs the contact, the ear you prove and the warmth of your arms. He can’t bring himself to stop and part of him knows it’s more than just the friendship.

“Steve,” placing a warm hand on his forearm to gain his attention. “Thought I lost you there for a second Rogers. Where’d you disappear to?”

Shaking his head, hand coming up to encompass your smaller one that rests on his forearm, “Nowhere doll, just thinking.”

“Bucky?” knowing what a touchy subject this is for him, you’re loathed to push for information. “Or does it have to do with what happened last week?”

Moving his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing the tension stiffen muscles. “Bit of both,” he replies before the waitress comes to take your orders.

Silence reigns, you having removed your hand to rest both in your lap, while Steve sat back just staring off. Neither knowing why it’s so hard to talk, when in times past the words flowed natural.

Working up the nerve, “You can talk to me about anything Steve, we’re friends after all.” Those two simple words coming back in a flash, making you wish they’d be real and not just used for show.

This he knows, having bared his soul a few times to you over the course of your friendship. He’s just unsure of how to broch the subject, reflecting on the strangers words and how close to home they truly hit. Feeling as if every step he takes to help only gets met with three steps backwards.

“That’s not in question,” soft voice reassuring as he finally looks up at you. “Last week, what happened, it shouldn’t have. We’re trying to protect the world instead we made a mess of it and almost end up destroying everything.”

“Steve you can’t blame yourself…”

“If I hadn’t signed up for that experiment…”

“Then World War 2 would’ve been even more horrific than it was, good men like my granddad wouldn’t have lived the lives you gave them.” Reaching out a hand to cup his jaw thumb smoothing over his cheek, “You have every right to feel like this Steve, I’m not going to tell you not to. Just that what you did, and have done took a lot of guts and I for one am very proud of you faults in all.”

Figuring your words would do little to help him through these dark times, you pull back only to be stopped as he grasped your wrist lightly keeping your hand against his jaw, rubbing his face into your palm.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” puzzled by his actions though you don’t feel like pulling away, can’t your caught in his web and you have no power to retract yourself.

Gracing you with that killer smile he only seems to reserve for a few people, you being one of them. “For knowing the right things to say and not sugar coating it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it Rogers, someone’s gotta keep you on your toes after all,” smiling your eyes lock with his as that unreadable emotion passes over those sparkling sky blue orbs and his grip on your wrist tightens just a fraction.

You know there’s more to talk about, that issues lay beneath the surface which haven’t been touched yet. Especially about what happened last week and how Steve’s fairing, however that chance is taken from you both.

Soft piano music plays breaking the spell as you reach for your phone, eyes still semi locked with Steve’s while answering, “Hey Ma.” Smile instantly dropping as does your eyes, tears start to pool in those fathomless Y/E/C depths.

Worried Steve pulls his chair up closer, taking your free hand in his giving you support as he listens to the one sided conversation.

“When?” more tears seep from their ducts as a tissue appears and you dap at your eyes. “How? He didn’t suffer did he?”

With each word Steve pieces together what’s happened, his chest tighten, emotions clogging his throat with grief as he watches the pain etch its way onto your beautiful features.

“I’ll be there tomorrow,” you pause trying to come to terms with this news. “No, don’t worry about it, I… I’ll take care of everything Ma. Yes I’m fine and I love you to,” with those parting words you hang up staring blankly.

“Y/N?” unsure of what to do, Steve envelopes you into the shelter of his arms, bringing you onto his lap and cradling you close. “When?”

Sniffing back tears, head resting on his broad shoulder, “Last night, in his sleep.”

“I’m so sorry doll,” fingers running through your hair softly, trying to sooth your pain.

A sob leaves your lips while trying to gather thoughts on what to say, on how to feel. “He’s with grandma now, happier, doesn’t have to suffer,” lips trembling, eyes close as tears slide down your cheeks, soaking Steve’s grey plaid button up. “Why?” the very question so many asked themselves.

Pausing his hands through your hair before sliding them down your back letting them rest around your waist, letting you take comfort and warmth from him as words try to come on how to answer. “I don’t know Y/N. I wish I did my only guess is that it was his time.”

“But I didn’t get to say goodbye, to tell him I love him one more time,” more sobs leave you, body starts to shake and you just want to whale at the injustice. “It wasn’t enough time.”

Gathering strength as Steve feels like someone’s punched him in the gut with this news. He grips your shoulders making you sit back from him, one hand cupping the side of your tear stained face wiping the tears away. “He loves you so very much Y/N I could see it every time I went to visit him, he’s proud of you doll and that will never chance. He’s here,” placing the hand from your cheek against your heart before moving it to tap lightly against your temple. “And here, your memories and love will keep him beside you always.”

At his words a fresh bout of tears fall from your already red rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks as Steve brings you back into the shelter of his arms rocking you slowly. Waving off anyone who came upon the two of you. Just letting your empty out what your feeling in this moment. Till your spent, tired and ready to go home, for which Steve hails a cab and tucks the both of you inside, lunch coming along. But knowing neither will feel like eating it.

Once back at your apartment, “Go change Y/N I’ll set up a movie for us to watch.”

“You don’t have to stay Steve I’ll be fine,” you’ve paused at the threshold of your bedroom, looking back at Steve who’s already set to work on getting lunch unpacked. Fingers fiddling with the hem of your butter yellow tank top.

“Nonsense doll, I’m not going anywhere,” looking up to catch your eye, watching as you come close, looping your arms around his waist. Comfort, safety that’s what you feel in his arms, the only place other than your grandparents.

“Thank you, I don’t know how I could’ve gotten through today without you,” voice just a whisper against his chest, tears threating to fall again. “Tomorrow’s going to be hard.”

Arms firmly wrapped around you, chin resting on your head, eyes closing just taking in the feel of you in his arms. Wrong time and he knows it, but Steve can’t help but feel like right here with you is just right as well as the next words that fall from those sinfully plush lips. “I’m clearing my schedule, coming with you.”

Pulling back, “You don’t have to do that Steve.”

“No I don’t but I want to,” giving you a soft smile and the brush of his lips against your forehead. “I’m not going to let you face this alone.”

“You can stop in and see Peggy to,” the words are out before you can stop yourself.

“I’ve been to see her recently,” shaking his head, “this is about helping you, Y/N.”

“What about the Avengers?” covering all the bases you might as well asked the other bomb shell right.

Chuckling, pulling back just a little to tip your chin up, “You can’t get rid of me that easy Miss Y/N.”

“Covering my bases,” trying to offer him a smile but it falls short.

“I’ll handle whatever happens sweetheart, now go shower, lunch will be set out and a movie picked by the time you get done.”

Moving from his embrace, missing the warmth and security his arms provide, to pause at your bedroom door again. Turning to look at him, “Yes, sir Captain Rogers sir,” offering up a wink, a glimmer of your old self peeking through all the pain.

Watching you go, Steve stands by the table thoughts warring inside his mind. Wishing right now that he’s just a regular joe with no responsibilities other than work and taking care of his best girl. Having known when he said it to that stranger, and meaning those two words with every fiber of his being. Sometimes, Steve reasoned with himself, being Captain America really did suck.

 

**************

 

It’s after 10pm before Steve makes it back to the Compound, soul weary and worn out; he heads up into the kitchen for a quick drink before heading off to bed. Having been gone for the last five days, leaving training in Natasha’s capable hands. She’d been worried about you, wanting to come along however Steve assured her that all was taken care of. His thoughts therefore remained firmly planted with you that he never notices Wanda sitting at the dining table, books scattered everywhere.

Looking up, “You’re back,” frown replacing the smile from her full lips. “Is there a problem Captain?” still having a bit of trouble using his first name.

Head snapping up, “Steve is fine Wanda you don’t have to be so formal,” he’s trying to keep the emotions from seeping into his voice. Not wanting to burden someone he barely knew.

“I will try to remember that Steve,” she returns offering him a half smile, feeling the emotions radiating off him like steam from a hot tea kettle. “But something is troubling you, yes?”

Raking a hand through sandy blond hair, Steve grabs a glass of water, coming to join her at the table. “A friend lost someone very dear to her.”

Head bowing in sadness, her own grief still fresh in her mind, “Anything I can do to help?”

“She’s a strong woman I know things will be okay,” he hopes those words will come to pass and not just for his own reassurance.

 “But you don’t know for sure?” resting her cheek in palm, elbow on the hard surface as Wanda glances over at Steve. Even in the short period of time she’s known Captain America, she’s never seen him look so out of sorts. In a way the very through unnerved her, having only witnessed the strength and determination of this man who’s swiftly becoming a friend.

Staring into his water glass, watching the tiny ripples before everything settles smooth. He’s not sure of a whole lot of things and that’s what terrifies him the most. “No way to know Wanda, I can’t see into the future,” looking up into her sea green eyes, concern warring with curiosity.

His thoughts traveled back days ago, spending time with you, seeing DC, being by your side to help you through this time of grief. It’s the first time Steve’s felt at peace, much like every time he’s with you. Not being able to put his finger on it, your sister was able to drive that home in a snide way. Making him see that he’s fallen in love with you but it wouldn’t be right to tell you. He can see why you barely mention that part of your family, why it’d always been your grandparents you talked about. So why’s he letting the words of one screw up mess with his brain? Because there’s a part of Steve that agrees with everything she said.

He can’t always be there to protect you, would rush out the door on a seconds notice to save the world, miss birthdays and anniversaries, so many little things in a relationship. Most of all Steve knew he’d put you in danger from those who’d try using you, to get to him and that’s one thing he couldn’t have happen.

“So you rather leave her than love her?” soft voice spoke those words, breaking Steve from his own mind.

“How did?” remembering, a scowl forming between his eyes. “No reading my mind Wanda.”

Shrugging, “Hard to ignore when you are practically screaming it at me,” going back to the books in front of her missing the frown which took over his features.

“I wasn’t, I mean I didn’t know I was,” frustration makes him run a hand through his short sandy blond hair.

Humorless chuckle leaves Wanda’s lips as she looks back up at the super solider. “Noted Steve,” seeing the indecision written all over his features “Want a piece of advice?”

 “Anything to help,” he concedes sitting back in the kitchen chair, arms crossed.

Clearing her throat, Wanda faces him, “Tell her, life as you and I know all too well, is short and love doesn’t come along every day. Let her decide for herself if she wants to return your feelings, instead of choosing for her.”

Listening, knowing she’s right but that part of him, which doesn’t want to see another person he loves died is stronger. “I’ll think about it,” raising he pauses to rest a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you Wanda,” before taking off for his room.

Head shaking as she watches him go, “Foolish male making the wrong choice,” sighing, sadness filling her heart, Wanda goes back to her studies trying not to think about what she’s seen inside Steve’s head.

Meanwhile Steve’s made it to his room, after retrieving his duffle bag from beside his door, he drops it on the bed, making a beeline for the window. One hand resting against the cool glass while looking out over the moonlight blanketed Compound grounds. Though his vision isn’t on the splendid sight but turned inward, remembering again what it felt like to have you in his arms, hugging you, kissing your forehead.

Pushing away he goes to unpack, but a picture of the two of you catches his eye. Taken about two years ago before this whole thing with Hydra was uncovered, before finding out that Bucky was alive. Tony threw a party, like he always does and Steve had been at a loss for whom to ask. Your name popped into his head with no hesitation he’d asked you to go. The whole night you’d talked about everything and anything, keeping him company, hitting the dance floor even for a few slow numbers. Now realizing it’d been that day when this picture was taken the two of you standing facing each other, hands entwined that he’d fallen in love with the girl of his dreams and he had to give you up for the greater good. Yeah it truly sucked being Captain America.


	5. Fight for me

**Part 5: Fight for me**

**2016 Set during Civil War**

 

_**Flashback 2015 three days after Granddad’s funeral**_

_Pacing the floor of your studio apartment, cell in hand debating with yourself on what exactly to do. It’s been a week, several voice messages and texts left, knowing you shouldn’t lean so heavy on Steve. But there’s a part of you that knows he’d understand more than anyone else and right now you could use that strong shoulder and arms wrapped around you._

_Making your mind up, turning the cell on searching quickly for his name before hitting call praying this time will be different and he’ll answer. Waiting, hoping to hear his voice but only getting his prerecorded message. So you leave another one, “Steve I know you’re busy and I’m sorry, I just need...” tears clog your throat making it hard to finish. But you swallow harshly, pushing through, “If you could call me back I’d really like to see you.”_

_Hanging up, emotions finally taking over, making you collapse into the couch as the tears flow down your cheeks. Missing your granddad so terribly and all you want is to feel comfort and safe, to be held again. Yet finding no one, as your parents are too far away and really they never cared nor has your sister. In this moment you truly feel alone, wrapping your arms around your knees, rocking back and forth, vision blurred by tears, ignoring the knock at your door._

_Which turns into three hard pounds before there’s a jingle of keys, door opening and a female gasp is heard. “Damn it Y/N why didn’t you call me.”_

_Glancing up through misty eyes to see Natasha walking towards the couch dropping grocery bags in the chair worry marring her beautiful features. Sitting next to you, pulling your soft, pliant body against her firmer one holding you close while rocking you in her arms._

_“I miss them,” words come out in a whisper, face buried in the crook of her neck, your own arms having come to wrap loosely around her slim waist tears soaking her shirt._

_Having a pretty good guess who you’re talking about, Natasha gently pushes you back to brush tears from your cheeks. “Your Granddad loves you Y/N just because he’s gone doesn’t mean he’s not with you.”_

_“It’s not the same Nat,” more tears leak from your eyes as your thoughts move to Steve for a moment. “Is he busy?”_

_Again Nat knew who you’re referring to and she plans to kick his ass the next time she laid eyes on him. Knowing both sides of how both of you felt sucks, but having been introduced to you almost from the beginning, Nat had come to care about you as more than a friend, but as a sister neither of you really had. It killed her seeing you so distraught._

_Having got lost in her thoughts Natasha forgot for a second that you were looking for an answer, one that wouldn’t break your fragile heart. However, she couldn’t bring herself to lie, not to you. “Not today, he’s been training. But I’m sure he’ll answer soon.”_

_Looking down at your hands, fingers picking at one another, “He won’t, he hasn’t answered me in three days Nat.” looking up fear chasing sadness and regret, “Is it too much to want an answer? What’d I do wrong?”_

_Feeling bad for thinking of Steve right now when you just lost your grandfather, Natasha being so wonderful by holding you and letting you cry on her shoulder. But you can’t help it. Steve saw you threw that first viewing of the body, helped you make the arrangements you knew Granddad would’ve wanted. Through the funeral and dealing with your hateful family. Steve had been the rock you leaned on that kept you steady comforted you when tears came, when self-doubt plagued your mind. But now he's gone and you didn’t know why nor what you’d done to push him away._

_“Nothing Y/N, nothing at all,” shaking her head, Nat cursed Steve once more for being so stupid. “It’s on him, not you. Understand?”_

_Pulling away, to stand and pace the floor tears having dried up for now. “I guess,” sighing, you run a hand through your hair frustration riding you hard. “I just wish I knew that’s the hardest part.”_

**Present time an hour before Peggy Carter’s funeral.**  

 

Nerves, not having been this apprehensive since your first interview with your now editor flowed through your veins, straightening your black dress again. Having survived quitting your job, publishing the first book in a series that’s near and dear to your heart and losing even though it’s metaphorical, Steve as a constant from your life.

Now you stand, with Sharon beside you, looking down at Peggy’s peaceful face. Having only arrived in England a few short hours ago and rushing to the hotel to share a room with the woman who’s become a big part of your life. Having met the other woman not long after Steve dropped from your life on a stormy afternoon in DC while visiting Peggy and before packing up your granddad’s room. The two of you hit it off from the start sharing more with her than you ever thought you could even your feelings about Steve and how he broke your heart. Between Sharon and Natasha, when both are available of course, they kept you from spiraling after your Granddad’s passing and Steve absence.

“You okay?” Sharon whispered leaning closer.

Looking over at the blonde, “I should be asking you that question Sharon.”

“I’m good,” clearing her throat of emotions, Sharon blinked a few times before glancing back down at her Aunt. “We knew this day would come, it’s never about if but when.”

“I know but still, one is never ready for death no matter how much we think we are,” something your Granddad had told you after the passing of your Grandmother that stuck with you all these years. Placing a comforting arm around the blonde, giving her a tight squeeze, assuring her you weren’t going anywhere.

“Thank you Y/N for being here,” returning the hug she gave you a kiss to the cheek. “We better take our places the funeral will be starting soon.”

Nodding you give her a soft smile, “No thanks necessary, both you and Peggy are/were family that’s what you do,” placing a hand over hers. “You have your speech?” she nods as you step away. “I’ll see you after.”

Watching Sharon head to the back till it’s her time to speak, you turn right as the doors open and the pallbearers file in the one man you haven't seen in almost a year leading the group. Breath caught, you force yourself to smile politely, keeping your composure when inside you wanted answers and to possibly hit him and cry, may it be with joy at seeing him or anguish.

“Y/N?” his tone holds a mix of shock and longing as he looks you over. Devouring your presents like a starving him at his first meal in years. He's misses you more than words can say. Throwing himself into finding Bucky, destroying Hydra, saving the world and trying to keep his mind off the one woman who will haunt him for the rest of his days.

Nodding, giving him a tight smile, “Mr. Rogers,” and you kept walking ignoring him calling after you, trying to hold your tears in.  

Steve knew you’d show up had planned what to say how to act. But to have you coldly acknowledge him like the two of you hadn’t been friends shoved a dagger through his heart. Of course what did he except? Dropping from your life like a lead balloon with no contact. Peggy always said he didn’t know how to talk to women and that proved it.

Pausing before her open casket, Steve took in Peggy's still, cold form, tears gathering in his sky blue eyes. Having thought he lost her the first time punched a hole in his heart. One so deep he figured would never be filled till that day he met you. He always suspected fighting battles, wars, would be his life that there’d be no place for love or for someone to love him. But now looking down into the aged face of his first love he knew the truth, his future, heart and soul belonged to you and he let that slip through his fingers.

Pushing away from the casket his thoughts traveling back to a little less than a year ago when he broke both your hearts by walking away.

 

**_Flashback 2015 one week after your Granddad’s funeral Avengers compound_ **

_“You gonna answer that or just let it keep dancin'?” questioned Sam, who sat next to him in the living area relaxing after a hard workout._

_Glancing at his phone a part of him wanting to answer the other part knowing he needs to let you go. “It's nothing,” he hated saying that._

_“You keep telling yourself that Cap just remember it’s not good to be alone,” raising Sam stretched his back, glancing behind him at Steve. “Whatever reasons you have for pushing her away, you need to rethink. I haven’t known Y/N for very long but something tells me she won’t wait around forever and ignoring her is just cruel.”_

_“She’s just a friend Sam nothing more,” the words sound hollow and a lie to his own ears._

_Snorting, heading out of the living room, “You keep tellin' yourself that Steve maybe one day you’ll believe the bullshit.”_

_Raising, making his way over to the big bay windows that over looked the grounds, Steve pressed a hand to the cool glass wondering and not for the first time if ignoring your calls and texts is the right idea. Then he remembers what the strange said how he treated you and the harsh words of your sister and his resolve to let you go strengthens again. He couldn't, wouldn’t put you through standing by his side. Not wanting to see you hurt by people who would use you just to get to him. That would hurt you with words, fists and all manner of tortures; he wouldn’t put you through that._

_Not realizing he'd stood in one spot for well over an hour, not till he felt a hard smack to the back of his head, making him spin around. One hand smoothing over the pain, while fire danced in those sky blue orbs that flashed in fury only to face an angry Natasha scowling at him._

_Lowering his defenses, Steve’s not prepared for the right hook she delivers to his cheek, sending him back into the glass. “What the hell Romanoff?” hand gripping his jaw, making sure it wasn’t broken by wobbling his chin trying to work the pain out._

_“You stupid, pig headed, asshole why are you only thinking of yourself?” hands jammed on her slim hips, eyes spitting fire to the point if she'd been Medusa he’d be stone right now._

_Confusion clouded his eyes, till she waved his phone in front of his face. Turning, arms crossed to look back out over the grounds. “Nothing to concern yourself with Nat,” voice low with a touch of gravelly emotions filled in._

_“The hell you say,” she spat grabbing his bicep, making him turn to face her. “You asked me to go check on her because you won’t answer your damn phone. To make sure she’s okay and now your acting like you could care less. What gives Rogers?”_

_“Could’ve said no,” is the only response he gives, while pulling his arm free and starting to walk away. The biggest part of him wanting to know, needing to know how you were._

_“She’s my friend to Cap,” she growled watching him stiffen. “You want to know how I found her. How broken she feels right now thinking that you don’t care anymore?”_

_Turning his head slightly, “She’s better off without me Nat end of discussion.”_

_“Coward,” that one word echoes around the living room. “Never pegged you to back down from anything Rogers why now? Why with her?”_

_“Because I love her and she deserves someone better to love,” those words rang in the silence, making Natasha pause in shock as Steve leaves to go punch out his frustrations._

**Present time**

He stayed away, hoping to protect you, letting you go had been the hardest thing he’s ever done besides losing Bucky and he regrets both choices every day. It’s why Steve threw himself into finding Bucky, and protecting this world anyway he could.

“Sir,” thick British accent interrupting his thoughts, Steve turns to his left. “The service is about to being you need to take your place.”

Nodding, Steve says very little just watches as the casket is closed, tears burning the back of his eyes, rimming the ducts in red with the effort to keep them from falling. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him they needed to stay locked up with everything else.

A little over two hours later fingers toying with the strap on your purse waiting for Sharon outside the main sanctuary of the cathedral a warm hand rested on your shoulder. Spinning not expecting, “Nat what are you doing here?”

Offering a soft smile and warm hug, “To pay my respects to a great woman and well you know.”

“Steve?” you watch as she nods something not right in her demeanor. “What’s going on?”

“You know I can’t tell you Y/N national security and all,” she chuckles mirthlessly eyes darting from your face to the doors.

“Natasha are you…” before the sentence can be completely formed one heavy oak door is pushed out Steve leaving the sanctuary head bowed.

Lifting his head your eyes lock with those soulful blues that shine with so much pain you want to hold him and chase those shadows away.

“Talk to him Y/N please, not for him or his peace of mind but your own,” Natasha advised pulling your attention towards her for a split second.

Heart stopping as so many thoughts run through your mind at her words ones that could have a thousand different reasons. Yet only the horrible ones are running through your mind at this moment. “Is he okay? Bucky did he find…”

Shaking her red head Natasha grips your shoulder a moment making you focus on her, giving you a smile and nod, “Talk to him,” before leaving.

Wringing your hands, pacing the little spot most likely wearing a hole in the thin carpet watching firstly as Natasha walks away before turning to see Steve’s slow approach. “I’m sorry about Peggy she was a good woman, family and will be greatly missed,” words spilling out a slight wobble to them.

“One in a million our Peggy,” he intoned bowing his head.

Watching Steve you agree with his choice of words. In that moment you noticed you’ve stopped pacing though still fidgeting noticing you’ve taken a steps towards Steve only to back trace them away.

Head snapping up, “Y/N,” his normally smooth voice broken watching hoping you won’t run away like a scared rabbit. “Can we talk?”

Though it’s on your mind to turn and leave to not give him the satisfaction of explaining to refuse his request. However, your heart won’t let you as there’s something in those normally expressive blue eyes that’s dimmed a melancholy surrounding him which tugs at the heart you kept buried so well.

“Is there anything that truly has to be said?” you retort crossing your arms to keep yourself from wrapping them around Steve.

Worrying his bottom lip searching for the right words to say to help you understand why as he studies the floor beneath both your feet. “I’m sorry.”

Sighing eyes glancing around the entryway, “That’s not going to cut it Rogers and you know that.”

Swallowing hard, “Peggy always said I never could talk to women. She wasn’t lyin’ there doll.” Raising his head eyes catching yours when he heard the snort from you a small smile turning up his lips before disappearing still looking for what to say, how to apologize. “I’ve missed you.”

It’s on the tip of your tongue to respond in kind instead different words come to your lips ones that make Steve flinch. “Your own fault Rogers.” You hated seeing him look like a kicked puppy but it’s been almost a year with no word you fearing the worse every time the news spoke of threats. 

“Remember that afternoon we met at the café when you got the call about your grandfather?” nodding wondering why he’s bringing up something so painful. “The stranger who approached me before you arrived.”

“What does that day have to do with anything Steve?” back straight ready to leave at a seconds notice.

Running a hand over his face then through his hair he’s worked up the courage to lock eyes with you while stating, “He’s the spark that set everything off. Part of the reason I had to let you go. For your own good I couldn’t be around you anymore.”

“Over the words of one man you stopped taking my calls, coming by and generally left my life?” words coming out louder and sharper than meaning to gaining looks from a few stragglers leaving the cathedral. “For someone who claims to be so smart your pretty stupid sometimes Steve,” turning to go not wanting to hear anymore as tears mixed with the quick pace of your beating heart.

Without thinking Steve follows taking hold of your wrist pulling you back to him, “Yeah I chose to do something incredibly stupid but it wasn’t because of one man,” cupping both shoulders forcing you to stay still. “I’m forever in the public eye…”

“Oh so now I’m not good enough to be seen beside you?” eyes shooting fire and if it’d been real Steve would’ve been a pile of ash on the cathedral floor.

Closing those expressive sky blue eyes gathering patience he didn’t want to give himself away not when there’s so much going on. Reopening them to stare into the face he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life. “That’s not what I’m saying nor mean. I have people after me, wanting me dead…”

“I’d be a liability then and you don’t want that hanging around your neck,” frustrations building you try to free yourself from his iron grip.

“Damn it Y/N will you stop interrupting me and let me explain,” words coming out on a growl as he gives you a little shake holding you tighter.

“You’ve made your mind up already Steve what good does it to explain yourself hmm. Just to alleviate your guilt make yourself feel better.”

  Bone weary sigh leaves his lips hands dropping from your shoulders to his side he swallows hard defeat etching its way across his face. “I won’t make you stay nor listen to what I have to say Y/N. You’re free to go I won’t stop you.”

“That’s it? You’re just gonna give up just like that?” eyes wide, heart thumping in your chest as your breathing picks up and eyes burn with tears.

Shrugging, “What would you have me do?”

“Anything other than what you’re doing,” holding in the sob wiping at your cheeks were the treacherous tears have slipped their ducts. “You fight for everyone else, will you not fight for me?” the words leave your lips just as your heart breaks and Steve pauses mid turn.

“That’s the problem Y/N I would die for you but in turn to lose you,” shaking his head as your eyes lock. “That very thought kills something inside me. This is why I have to let you go it’s the only way to protect the woman I love.”   

Seconds ticked by without anything being said just the two of you staring at one another. Taking that for confirmation Steve nod’s once moving a few steps back then turning fully to leave. Standing there watching him go as if having an out of body experience because you couldn’t move. Feet refuse to listen to commands while your heart thumped even harder in your chest. Equal parts stunned and elated only to fall into sadness having no idea where Steve’s going or if he’d answer any type of commutation. With these thoughts in mind you leave in the opposite direction for the hotel. Hoping a hot bath and maybe some ice cream would help you to figure out what to do next and how to right this wrong.

 


	6. Ever after

Part six: Ever after

 

Shaking slightly knee jumping as your fingers play out a beat only you can hear in your head while you take in the scenery around you never imaged finding yourself in Berlin of all places.

“It’ll be okay Y/N promise I wouldn’t have said yes to bringing you this far if I thought you’d be killed,” Sharon’s smooth voice broke through your thoughts. “Besides don’t you trust me?”

Shaking your head a half smile on your face, “You know I do, but being here and heading to meet someone wanted by all governments tends to make one very nervous.”

Chuckling, “Don’t worry so much he doesn’t know you’re coming just me and their gear.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because knowing his stubborn ass he’d bulk at the very idea of you being here. Not to mention rip me a new one as well. It’s better this way. You get to say your peace and he can go about his business.”

“Which is?” the question is out before you can stop yourself. Having watched the news knowing full well what their up against wore out your poor nails and no amount of deep breathes would calm your thundering heart.

Looking from the backup mirror to you then out the front window chewing on her bottom lip, “Complicated Y/N besides you’ve seen the news know what happened in Vienna and Bucharest there’s not much else I can tell you.”

Picking at the emerald cashmere sweater, a gift from Steve you start to drum your fingers again till out of the corner of your eye Sharon moves to open her door and get out. Not realizing the car even came to a stop. Ridged for a moment eyes still glued to your hands till she opens the trunk and they dart to the side mirror barely catching the side profile of Steve. Breathe stopping seeing the dirty shirt, hair messed, and smudge of what could be anything on his cheek.

Hearing the tap, the agreed upon signal, with shaking hands you open the door and step out. Hearing Steve’s deep voice ask who she brought with her till he turns and sees you. Fury crosses his features with an undercurrent of worry, “You put her in danger for your amusement or just to piss me off?”

“Sharon didn’t ask me to come, I asked her,” a wobble makes your voice sound off as those sky blue eyes land on you.

With each step you take towards Steve he shakes his head yet there’s something in his eyes, maybe it’s affection or just gas you’re not sure all you do know is that your glad you asked Sharon to come along. No matter how dangerous this is you needed to see him to make sure he’s alive and relatively safe.

“Why would you do something so reckless like that doll?” sad blues meet your eyes you could tell he’s wanting to hug you a simple touch of another human.

“So it’s okay for you to run off and save your best friend but I can’t come and make sure the man I love is okay?” bottom lip caught between your teeth, hands clasp together behind you till you were sure he understood.

“It’s not the same Y/N I’m trying to save… wait” pausing your words finally penetrating his mind as his eyes go wide. “What did you say?”

The cough laugh from Sharon barely registers to the both of you when you close the final steps to Steve cupping the side of his face in your palm, “You stupid, selfless, gorgeous man I love you can’t you see that.”

“I… you… you never said back in London I thought…” he trailed off nuzzling his face into your palm the warmth and softness repairing his heart as your words and actions have made it beat faster.

Head shaking as you draw even nearer, “You didn’t give me time to process Steve. I was shocked that a man like you could love someone like me.”

Strong arms wrap around your waist pulling your flush to his lean muscular frame, “How could I not is the better question Y/N. When I’m with you I don’t feel like a failure. You bring me peace.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Blinking taking the hand from his cheek to kiss the knuckles tenderly your eyes staying locked with his, “Because I can’t lose you Y/N it truly would kill me.”

Eyes shining with unshed tears, “Did you ever stop to think what losing you would do to me?” 

“I’m sorry baby girl I just wanted you safe.”

“With you by my side I would be safe Steve,” laying her head on his chest listening to the beat of his heart. “Don’t you understand you’re my home?”

Pulling you back so he can cup your jaw, raising your chin to meet his lips in a slow soft kiss that feels like angel wings upon yours. Soft and teasingly short your eyes flutter open to see his shining with love for you before he truly captures your mouth in a deeper more filling kiss. A teasing of his tongue at the seam of your lips that gain entrance on a gasp when his hands cup your ass pulling you flush to him. Delving in to taste and temp your tongue to play with his, noses bump trying to find the right angle to draw out the small moans from each other. Only stopping when air becomes a necessity the two of you pull away to rest your foreheads together.

“I hate to break up the love fest here but we both have to get going,” reluctance in Sharon’s voice as she checks her watch once more.

“Be careful,” your voice just a whisper that only Steve can hear.

“Always I have my best girl to come home to after all,” grinning cheekily before remembering something. “Don’t go yet I have something for you,” pulling away Steve jogs to the old school VW bug Sam and Bucky are waiting inside.

“Yo Romeo you wanna shake a leg we got somewhere to be,” laughter laced his tone with the words Sam spoke handing the small golden envelop to Steve when the latter stuck his head into the car.

“I know that Wilson just gotta give this to my girl,” he answered closing the door.

Shaking his chestnut head, “Never thought I’d see the day when Steve would fall for another dame.”

“Y/N special she reached a part of Cap that no one else had,” Sam answered watching with a proud smile on his lips.

Returning he hands the envelop to you, “There’s a letter explaining things just in case…”

Shaking your head, placing a finger over his lips, “You will come back Steve otherwise I will searching this God forsaken world for your ass and drag you back and so help me if you die on me Steven Grant…”

You don’t get a chance to finish that threat as his lips reclaim yours in another short searing kiss that curls your toes and leaves you just as breathless as the last. “I love you Y/N I’ll see you soon.”

Eyes going soft worry filling your veins, “I love you to Steve, and please be careful.”

“Always doll I have you to keep me in line,” winking Steve kisses you quickly adding a hug before leaving your side.

Watching him go the package heavy in your hands but not with weight. In the back of your mind something tells you it might be a while before you see him again. The thought rested heavy on your heart while getting back into the car. On the drive back to the hotel, saying goodbye to Sharon with promises to get in touch with one another soon and while getting on the plane home. That’s when you finally opened what Steve gave you. Metal clanging together as coolness hit your palm making you look down to see a set of dog tags. Noticing the name having known that they belong to Steve just needing that conformation by seeing his name stamped into the metal. Fist closing around the warming tags as you pull out two sheets of hotel stationary paper. Tears already falling silently down your cheeks the moment those tags hit your hand now they blur your vision but not enough that you have trouble making out the handwriting.

 

_Dear Y/N_

_I’m sorry doll I shouldn’t have dropped that bomb on you and walked away I just didn’t know what else to do. I never thought I’d find someone to love after Peggy or that someone would love me back. I’d hoped that person would’ve been you but seeing your reaction has left me with doubts thus this letter. When I left you that day after we got back from burying your grandfather a part of me stopped existing and never came back till I saw you again looking so beautiful in that church. I knew then that I had to tell you, to explain that I’ve fallen in love with you Y/N. I don’t know what’ll happen now if I’ll make it back to you. Things with the Accords, Tony; everything is up in the air. You probably know from the news what took place in Vienna. Bucky didn’t do it doll I have to clear his name at least of this crime to get him back. I promise to try with everything in me to come back to you. Till then hold onto my dog tags the only part of me that is actually mine to give other than my heart. If for some reason I don’t just know that you made my life better, with you I felt like I had a home and someone to love._

_Yours forever_

_Steve_

 A silent sob leaves her lips as you wipe at the tears trying to hide yourself from the world. Placing Steve’s dog tags around your neck proudly wearing them for all to see replacing the letter in its envelop and back into your bag. You try to get comfortable on the long flight home praying for Steve, Sam and Bucky. Never knowing the extent of the events that happened in Berlin till arriving home and flicking the TV on which makes you slip down into the couch worry encompassing your heart. Melancholy envelopes you the first few days making you a shadow of your former self as you try both Natasha and Sharon making sure they’re both alright. Fishing for any news you could always coming up empty.

  It’s during that second week when a knock sounds on the door. Not expecting anyone your editor already called to check on the manuscript for your next book. Sharon out on some mission, Natasha resting healing up still after the big airport fight in Berlin, she’d been by a time or two to check on you. Therefore you’re slow on answering the door metal bat in hand just in case something Steve always chided you about having.

“Who is it?” you ask voice carrying through the door.

“Delivery,” came a familiar voice.

Slowly chain still on the door you opened it a crack eyes going wide when you see Sam standing there a little worse for wear but alive. Quickly closing, unchaining and opening the door again to embrace him careful of any bruises or broken body parts. Its then that you notice another man with Sam one that held a regal, royal air to him with a soft smile and shining mahogany eyes wearing a loose fitting navy shirt and black jeans.

“Easy tiger I’m not broken just bruised,” Sam explained pulling back from the hug hearing the dog tags clang together. “What would you say to going on a little trip?”

Brow lifted, “I don’t understand Sam where’s Steve? He’s not,” the shake of his head tells you no. “Then why…”

“Long story short Cap needs you sweetheart more now than ever. Is there any way you can pack up and we can vamoose?” giving you a sheepish smile while moving from foot to foot.

Looking back and forth between the two gentlemen, “You going to introduce me to your friend or am I to remain in the dark about everything?” Stepping aside to let them both enter only turning when you’ve shut and locked the door an expectant look in your eyes.

Rolling expressive gold flexed brown eyes, “T’Challa, Y/N, he likes cats, King of Wakanda, currently harboring the wanted fugitives Captain America, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Ant man, Winter Ice bucket and yours truly the Falcon,” waving his hand around with a flourish and a small bow.

“Pleasure to meet you, your highness” extending your hand that T’Challa accepts kissing your knuckles. “Don’t mind bird brain here took one to many hits to the head this one.”

“Careful cat man that’s Cap’s girl you’re schmoozing on,” heading towards the couch to park his aching body Sam got comfortable.

Rolling his eyes T’Challa smiles, “It’s a pleasure meeting you as well Y/N. Captain Rogers has spoken quite highly of you. It’s an honor to meet the woman who’s captured his attentions.”

“More than that she’s got his tags,” Sam stated matter of fact. “I hate to speed this along but wanted man here in a country I shouldn’t be right now. So if you could please…” turning to give you a cheeky smile.

“If you weren’t hurt I’d smack you upside the head Samuel,” you growl good naturedly then smile at T’Challa. “Make yourself at home it won’t take me long to pack.

“I would pay good money to watch you take him on Ms. Y/L/N. In fact my wager would rest on you,” the grin he shoots you is full of pure amusement while Sam just scoffs, rolling his eyes.

Laughing, “You’re to kind your highness and please call me Y/N,” finding it just a touch out of sorts that you have a King in your flat you try to dismiss those thoughts in favor of getting ready. Popping your head back out, “Hey Sam how long am I exactly going to be gone?”

Looking from T’Challa to you; Sam shrugs then winces when it pulls at his ribs, “That’s up to you Y/N. I can tell you that Cap won’t be able to come home to New York for a while.”

Nodding once, “Roger that,” you step back into your bedroom trying to settle on what to take. Not that there’s much you hold dear; photos mainly of your grandparents, your grandfather’s old army uniform that’s been vacuum sealed, a few knick knacks given to you by friends and of course clothing. Bags packed except for your computer and writing journals which takes you to the kitchen were everything’s spread out.

“Fridge have anything in it?” Sam’s voice startles you out of your thoughts making you glance his way. 

“Manners have gone out the window,” giving you a puzzled look you shake your head. “I forgot to ask if either of you would like something to drink.”

Chuckling, “Always the hostess,” though Sam could see right through your façade. “I know this is sudden sweetheart that you’re nervous. You don’t have to…”

“I do and that’s not why,” facing him arms wrapped around your waist. “I’m not nervous just worried that with the two of you here whoever’s after you will be able to track us back to Steve. I don’t want to put any of you in danger by agreeing to go. Nor do I wish to impose because something tells me Steve doesn’t exactly have a place of his own anymore.”

“Very perceptive but I can assure you Y/N no one will be able to trace us back to Wakanda. As for a place to stay you are most welcome to stay at the palace though I believe Captain Rogers would rather enjoy having you stay with him.” Having heard Sam’s first question T’Challa stood from the arm chair speaking as he entered behind the other man.   

 “I’m almost finished here then we can leave.” Giving T’Challa and Sam a smile that didn’t look as strained while gathering your journals, “Will I be able to make a few calls?”

 “Got another boyfriend to call?” winking Sam turned to open the refrigerator sticking his head in to pull out two bottles of water handing one to T’Challa. Who accepts with a tip of his head in thanks.

Rolling your eyes while getting your computer put away, “Gotta call my publisher, editor and agent let them know I’m going on vacation but the manuscript will be done on time.”

“That’s right you’re a big time author now,” smiling taking a long swig from his bottle. “You know Y/N you’re pretty chill with just picking up and leaving.”

Nodding eyes focused on packing, you pause putting the last journal in your bag to look over at Sam. “I’m anything but chill Sam. But if my grandmother could weather World War two to be with my grandfather while he was injured. I think I can do the same for Steve. Especially now when something tells me he’s being his stubborn self and he needs all the support he can get.”

 

***********

 

Nerves mixed with excitement and a touch of worry tossed into the mix which runs through your veins as you stepped closer to seeing Steve again. Sam’s on your left helping you through the maze that is the medical complex of Wakanda’s grand capital city heading towards the cryo room. Having landed just over two hours ago a quick shower, change and you’re being whisked away before really getting a chance to settle in. Though you knew nothing would feel like it’s settled till you got to see him. The plane ride over Sam had filled you in on the situation with Bucky, one if not the biggest reasons you’re here. What shocked you the most is learning that it’d been Bucky’s idea to bring you. Having never met the man in person you still wanted to hug him for thinking about Steve.

Muffled voices met your ears as you rounded the last corner only one person coming into view first. Recognizing T’Challa’s deep accented voice you smiled which turned into a soft gasp at seeing Steve. His back’s to you looking out over the lush forest tendrils of fog coiling gently around trees and flowers so beautiful unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

T’Challa catches your eye first for which he inclines his head then steps back motioning for Sam to follow. He does so reluctantly lingering a few moments to give your hand a squeeze of reassurance and solidity.   

Clearing your throat, “It’s not nice to ignore your friend when she’s flown almost half way around the world to see you.”

“Y/N?” he’s turned seeing you almost as if you’re a figment of his imagination. Taking three large steps towards you daring to reach out to caress your cheek, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you silly why else would I be here,” nuzzling your cheek into his warm palm. Taking in his rumpled appearance, faded bruises, a few cuts here and there however you know it goes deeper than that. The story is all written there in his sad sky blue eyes. Pain, torment, sadness and lost but also anger most likely directed at himself for letting the events of the past few weeks play out the way they did.

Shaking his head, “It’s too dangerous for you to be here.” 

“Where’s Bucky?” changing the subject for a moment the clang of metal sounding as you look around but coming up with no one but you and Steve.

It’s that sound which grabs his attention eyes tracing your features down the beaded chain to see his dog tags resting against your cleavage gleaming in the mid-morning sun light. Swallowing thickly, “He chose to go back under didn’t want to put us at risk in case someone learned the trigger words.”

With each word he speaks you could see how much it hurt him. Having gained his best friend after thinking he’s lost to Steve forever, only to watch him be put back into stasis. Close but still out of reach. You don’t think about your next actions instead you let your heart choose to wrap your arms around his shoulders drawing him into your arms for a tight hug. What you didn’t expect is Steve gripping you tightly burying his face in the crook of your neck and letting go.

Rubbing soothing circles into his back with one hand as the other carded through his hair softly. Brushing the silken strands back while murmuring reassuring words into his ear not platitudes but letting him know that you’re here for him and not going anywhere.

Five minutes past before Steve loosens up enough that you can pull back brushing your fingers over his cheek. “Why did you come?”

Scoffing, eyes rolling so hard it had to have hurt, “That’s a stupid question Rogers.”

Plucking one tag Steve runs his fingers over his name not meeting your eyes, “How long are you staying?”

“Till you can leave with me,” the answer is quick and has his eyes flying to yours. 

“What about your life? Work? I can’t let you…”

“You’re not letting anything Steve it’s my choice to be by your side. I have no one back in the states, parents who don’t really care a sister who doesn’t acknowledge I’m kin unless she needs money,” shrugging. “I’d rather be with the man I love than by myself.”

“Are you sure?” there’s a trimmer in his voice, unsure, small almost like he’s back in 40’s Brooklyn and he’s a teenager again asking some dame out that’s going to say no.

Drawing his attention back to you with fingertips on his chin you don’t answer with words just your lips on his. Soft reassuring pouring all the love you can into the kiss that’s touches of your mouth to his turning and repeating till the last press where you draw your tongue over that plump bottom lip asking for entrance. For which he grants on a sigh, arms tightening around your waist as he takes the kiss over plundering your mouth, bragging moans from deep within. Tasting each little place he could find that made you sigh and grip him tighter.

Oxygen needed you pull away resting foreheads together, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life Steve. You’re it for me. Plus being a writer does afford me with some perks after all. All being about to write from anywhere I want,” grinning at his wide eyed look.

Without thinking Steve scoops you up into his arms heart still heavy from all the misgiving and Bucky’s absence but a seed of hope becomes planted with every smile you give him, every laugh and with three simple words spoken. “I love you.”


End file.
